Interview With Northampton County's First Cat

Name: Tuxedo
Age in Cat Years: 56
Political Party: Democrat
Residence: Allen Township

Tux, may I call you Tux?

TUX: Surely.

Tux, you were recently featured in the Voter's Guide of www.lehighvalleylive.com. You've kept a low profile these past three and a half years, much lower than, let's say, Bo Obama.

TUX: Oh please. Don't get me started about that circus. In my day, political leader's pets were more dignified. Anyway, continue.

But the public IS curious about you. Tell us a little about your relationship with your owner, John Stoffa.

TUX: I was a housecat that was abandoned and came upon this farmette where this guy was always planting sweet corn and moving manure piles on weekends. I began meowing around the house and they started feeding me. At that point in my life I wasn't ready for a new relationship with a new family so I just took the food and watched them from afar. Times goes on and the farmette is sold and the whole neighorhood is slated to be demolished and this guy puts me in a carrier even though I was a stray and moves me out to the country on a new farm with him.

Where you were still...uh...feral?

TUX: Yes. I was still not ready to start a new relationship but the food kept getting better and better. It went from dry to wet food and then I started following the old guy around on the farm while he tooled around on his tractors and whatnot. He must have taken it that I was being loving or companionable but I was worried he was going to cut off more of his fingers and was keeping an eye on him. He was the first one I let hold me and then it went on from there. In due time I managed to weasel my way into the house.

What is unique about you?

TUX: I'm almost completey deaf. By the way, I appreciate you using that megaphone. I believe I'm the only deaf cat in Northampton County. It can be a bit of a burden since I can't hear people calling me or cars driving up the driveway. I'm often startled by people who come up behind me and I've had more than one embarrassing incident sitting in the driveway minding my own business with my head turned the wrong way only to find John's car running but parked in front of me as he waves and claps his hands wildly trying to get me to move out of the way. I am looking into kitty hearing aids on the Internet. Though I can't hear it, I'm told that my meow, since I've lost my hearing, has become to resemble something similar to an Austrailian dingo being strangled.

What is your take on past presidential pets?

TUX: Socks handled the whole Monica Lewinsky thing like a champ. The Bushes push their dogs too hard, making them write and publish books. It's just too much pressure. That's why Barney bit that reporter. He flipped. Bo? The press is focusing too much on Bo. He's so young and with all those expectations, I just don't know. I most admire Quentin Roosevelt's parrot, even though he wasn't a Democrat.

What do you like best about Northampton County?

TUX: The cat unions. We have eleven in Northampton County. I belong to UFP, the United Feline Patrollers Union. We are farm cats that patrol their owners' farms, catching field mice and making sure that all cats stick to their own property lines and don't wander into someone else's territory.

Do cats file grievances?

TUX: I did just yesterday. I peed on the Oriental rug and they put me in the yard for the day. Who do they think they are? Humans still don't understand that when a cat chooses a family, the house belongs to the cat.

What's your key political issue?

TUX: Open space, definitely. Open Space. The development in Northampton County is making the mice and bird population decline rapidly. This affects the cats of Northampton County.

One more question?

TUX: No. My people said you wanted five minutes.. I gave you five. I need to look into the kitty hearing aids. Remember, get off the sofa and vote for Stoffa. I'll keep the sofa warm while you're gone.